Part Of You

Written on 10th September 2015

After 7 consecutive weekends and 11 total treks/hikes in past months I still don't know what I am doing. I don't know if I am overdoing it or over obsessing about it. I don't want to give it a tag, be it passion, obsession, hobby, or anything else. I don't know where I am taking it. I don't know if I am taking it in right direction. I don't even know what "it" is. Some say its a recovery phase I am going through, some say I am trying to forget something, some say I am trying to prove something to myself. I don't know, but I even don't agree with any of these speculations. There is nothing to recover from, nothing to forget, nothing to prove.

I just want to go there. I don't feel "enlightened", "relaxed", "changed", "awed" by going there. Yes I learn a many things, some of which I am able to express, some of which I even can't think about consciously. May be I am selfish. Wilderness, mountains, etc. are all welcoming. They all seem to say the same thing, " I am here, and I always will be. I can't come to you. You have to come to me ". They do not tell me why. They just call me. I feel for them. I want to care for them. They let me care for them. There are no expectations. No promises. Just care. They let me be a part of them. When you are carrying a baby in your arms, the baby is a part of you. If there is a accident you will take care of it as if it's a part of your body. You will try to protect it with priority. Like when you fall on your face your hands go take the impact even if they hurt, safeguarding your body, your brain. Your brain is a part of your body. When you are in the wilderness, you are the wilderness, you are the mountain, the mountain is you, the wilderness is you.

No, I don't want to tag it with words like passion, obsession, hobby, conquer, glory, etc. whatever. I just want to go, to be a part of it. To care, to be cared.

“Thank you, for letting me be a part of you!”